Bula Vinaka!

September 20th, 2021, I had the opportunity to speak with my mom about her experience as a young Fijian girl in boarding school upon the age of menstruation...

My fondest memory of boarding school was having so many girls around all the time, morning, noon, and night. It was fun! But to be in boarding school at an elementary age was a big responsibility. It was cruel to me. You're no longer a child. You have to grow up and be responsible for your own self. You become mature so early in life and learn not to rely on anybody but yourself. You become very independent at a young age. You work hard not to be punished by taking care of yourself.

I was in Form 1, in America that would have been the seventh grade, when I started my first period. It was after a two-week-long holidy I spent with my best friend and her parents. My friend and I were travelling by bus, heading for a 5 hr trip back to my home before going back to boarding school. During that bus ride I felt that something was going on inside of me. When we stopped at the bus stop I went to the bathroom and noticed I had started my period on that bus ride. 

I freaked out. I was worried, "What's going to happen?" I didn't even tell my girl friend. I freaked out because I saw this thing in the bottom of my underwear and I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know what it was. I had never even heard of a period but I knew this was coming out of me. It was never talked about. 

We still had some distance until I could get to my mom's house and I just couldn't wait to get home. It was almost like I needed to hide myself away, tuck myself somewhere where nobody could see me, and see what was going on with me. That's exactly how I felt - horrified. 

Did you tell your friend you had started your period?

No. And this was my best friend at school.

Did you tell anyone when you got home?

Yes, I told my mom. 

Did Nana (my mom's mom) explain what was happening?

No. She just said, "you're becoming a woman." And then from then on she went on to doing the traditional thing to do, with no explanation of what's happening. She focused straight away to do her part as a mother, to do the traditional part of celebrating the first born girl having her period.

What was that celebration?

She put mats and tapas down and I slept on it during the whole time I had my period. It's something that the oldest girl in the family does. To me, I didn't understand why it was just the oldest and not everyone else in the family. It was significant because I was the oldest.

How did school change for you after you started your first period?

From then on, during that time it's not a fun occasion. It's a thing you really don't want to be in. Something that you want to block away from your day. When that moment comes it's like a big cloud hanging over your head, your day, your life. Everything just stops. And to you it stops for a moment but that moment is a couple of days because you are just worried about yourself. Worried about what is going through you. You're worried about how you're going to go to school and how you're going to be protected. What's going to happen to me today? Should I go to school or should I just stay home? If I go to school how am I going to protect myself? Do I just use newspaper? All those things you worry about.

What do you wish you could of had during those times?

For me, the situation that I was in, I didn't grow up with learning about it. So what was provided to me at that time was nothing. There was nothing I can do. There was no other options. I was in a boarding school so there was no shop around and I rarely had money. Where could I buy the pad from if I did have the money?

So you never had any disposable pads or tampons?

No, there was no options. No, not even tampons. Tampons were unheard of. Pads, you had to go by bus for about 17 miles to the nearest store to go buy pads and when would we even have a chance to go?

At this age, that's when your mom should be teaching you and showing you these things. But your mother too, is also hiding this part of being a woman. This was back in the 70's. Especially in rural areas, pads were just unheard of. But most people have limited options... do you buy sugar and flour for your family or do you buy pads? Whatever little money people are getting you have to weigh it out. For my mom being a single parent, she had to pay for us to be in boarding school, and also be responsible for my younger siblings still at home. So I just remembered my last year of high school being a lot better but everything in between was just horrible. You hate it, you hate life, you question why it has to happen to me. It's almost like a fear when you know your period is coming. You want it to go away and you can't sleep at night because you have to stack up all your clothes beneath you so you don't stain your beddings. I remember seeing girls rip up towels and cut it up so they can use it. Being in a boarding school sometimes girls would steal other kid's towels so that they can use it and cut it up. Every girl had their own techniques of how to deal with it. I would put a notebook underneath my skirt before I sat down on my seat so that my notebook would soak all the blood and I could rip the pages after and throw it away without staining my skirt. Sometimes I would also grab lots of toilet paper and roll it up and use it as a pad and just keep repeating that when I used the bathroom.

What do you want for these girls you are helping with The Fijian Girls Foundation?

I want so much more for them. I know now that I am educated and living in this country where girl's have mothers that get them resources of what they need. I want these same things for them. For their mother's to know, for the girls to know. To teach their girl's that this is a natural thing. Not a shameful thing. It's not something that's supposed to be a tabboo conversation in the household. For brother's and father's to understand and be involved. That it's alright. That it's okay for the father to go to the store to buy products for their daughter or wife. But there is a stigma that prevents this and a lack of education. That makes me sad.

The mother doesn't talk about it, so the daughter doesn't talk about it, and it continues down a line of generations. We aren't being taught in school, boys and girls, that this is going to happen one day.

My hope for this is the education to open minds, eliminate the stigma, and provide the care necessary to protect these girls. Boys need to understand this too because that is how babies are produced. With the education, there will not be a stigma and that will create an enviornment where mother's and father's can openly discuss options to helping their daughters rather than hiding them. 

How has having access to an education and resources changed your life now?

I look back at what my experiences were and it makes me want to change the negative experiences I had around menstruation. It should be taught in school or in villages and homes to get rid of the stigma. I want to provide resources. I want to encourage girls to keep going to school. Some of the girl's can't afford it. We have to help. We have to educate them while also providing the tools necessary to revolutionize. 

Thank you, mom.

I'm excited. I'm excited for what you're doing and I'm grateful for you. Because this happened to me and it never dawned on me until you brought it up. You know my reaction when you first brought it up. My reaction in telling you some of my worst experiences and my friend's experiences. And this is a good thing. Not only are the girls in Fiji going through it but every where in the world, especially third world countries, face the same thing. 

I think everybody matters and I think we're all equals. If some of us have all these resources to all these menstrual hygiene products then everybody else needs them too. I think we have way too many options here and it needs to be balanced out across the board. Menstrual equity for every body. So thank you for sharing your story. I think it will help a lot of women and girls understand and get over their shame if there has been shame depending on how they grew up.

Yes, to know that there are other girls who experienced the same thing they experienced and know they can openly share with other people that can totally understand where they are coming from. I think we need more women like that to share their stories, including women that have not experienced this, so that we can bring it out into the open, let it be discussed, and let it be solved. 

- EJ & JJ

"When you support women, you support entire communities."

"I can't pay it all back but I can pay it forward." 

Bula vinaka! My name is Justina Jarema, I was born in the Fiji islands and raised in the United States of America. At a very young age my parents and community(s) taught me the significance of service. Although I spent most of my life in America, my parents also raised me and my siblings in the Fijian community & traditions. These influences, their sacrifice, and service has given me access to a great education, a healthy lifestyle, wonderful opportunities, and a special perspective on life. Because of these experiences and people, I want to push myself so I can also serve. I can't pay it all back but I can definitely pay it forward. 

I know the stigma of menstruation to be true. The story we seem to continually share as, "that's just the way things are." Because of this, there are girls unable to go to school. Something that is natural and a part of life is causing young girls with no menstrual resources to find (potentially harmful) alternatives to try and manage menstruation. The worst part of this issue, in my opinion, is that it is a silent, unspoken thing for women in other countries. My "why" for this cause is to raise awareness. My "why" for this cause is because I know the difference having a support system can make in a girl's life. My "why" is because girls need access to a better educational experience. My "why" is because I care.

-JJ